Change is a certainty in life. If you don’t do anything, you will age and that is change.
Change comes in different shapes and forms. You will change your views about things as you come into new information. Experience teaches you ways to do something better. Age can dictate things you can or cannot do.
Life experience will also change how you relate to yourself, others, and life, amongst other things.
Couple counselling can be very helpful in realigning relationships when they go through a period of change brought on by personal, life or other factors.
Why do relationships change?
At the start of a new romantic relationship there is euphoria and excitement. It gives hope for a shared and (what promises to be) a happy future. A honeymoon period begins in which you can overlook each other’s faults. The romance is high, and the problems seem distant.
When the honeymoon period wears off, the faults begin to irritate and the problems in the relationship start to stand out. The attraction for what was different and exciting can start to irritate or annoy. You now have a choice to deal with the fault lines and negotiate a middle ground or you can ignore them.
Further challenges await you as life goes on. Getting and keeping a job, buying a house, managing extended family relationships, having a baby (or not) all pose challenges and potential for argument and conflict.
Change in political, spiritual, religious and life views might also create distance.
External influences like meeting someone new or a life changing event like a heart attack or road accident. Or something seemingly harmless like attending an event can change perspectives and change people.
Life stage changes like having a baby, retiring, losing a parent or a loved one can also change people in unpredictable ways.
How does that impact the relationship
In each change or stage, a person will change and interact with their partner in new and unfamiliar ways. If the change happens in the same direction the change is good and can increase the bond and attraction in the relationship. Changes in different direction can irritate and annoy and cause a lot of friction. It can pull or tear a couple apart.
Can Couple Counselling help
Talking to each other helps. And it helps a lot. You need to talk to understand each other’s changing needs, desires, and goals. To negotiate and arrive at a new position. To realign individual, couple and relationship needs so that they continue to be met in a healthy way.
Couple counselling is helpful when you are unable to negotiate the change on your own. Through couple counselling, you learn to understand each other’s needs and what you need from each other to arrive at the new position.
I offer couple counselling Online over Zoom and MS Teams, in my office in Hampton and London.