What are sex problems?
A problem that stops us from leading a sexually fulfilling life can be classified as a sex problem. This can range from anything like lack of desire to inability to have sex.
Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship and when this does not work between a couple then well it can leave you feeling frustrated. Wanting more or less than sex than your partner does automatically mean you or your partner have a sex problem.
Having a different sex drive to your partner is completely normal. If you or your partner feel that the gap in your different sex drives is too big then that might be indicative of a relationship issue or other problem.
Couple also go through phases when they have more or less sex e.g. when trying for children or when not getting along.
Issues that might be indicative of a problem are:
- Absence of sex
- Fear of sex
- Too much or too little sex
- Fear of intimacy
- Unexplored sexuality
- Sexual inhibitions and reservations
What causes sex problems?
There is usually a combination of reasons rather than a single reason that leads to sex problem. Some of these problems can be:
- Health Related: Illnesses or conditions like diabetes, disability, heart disease, menopause etc.
- Emotional or Psychological: Stress, anxiety, unresolved grief, depression, unhappy relationships, sex addiction, etc. Stress is one of the highest contributors to sexual problems.
- Circumstantial: Having a baby, getting a divorce, living or working in an environment of conflict, family problems, financial problems, etc. can cause sexual problems.
- Beliefs: How you think of sex and sexuality can cause sex problems. Through personal, family or cultural values, if you believe that exploration of sex and sexuality is bad or taboo then that might lead you to develop an unhealthy relationship with sex.
- Sexual abuse: A history of abuse of any kind, sexual abuse in particular, can have an effect on the sexual life. It can reduce or increase your sexual appetite.
The difference between sex and sexuality
Sex often refers to the sexual act or activities that people engage in. It is easier to define because it refers to the sexual act regardless of the reason why people engage in it. This could be for fun, procreation, or any other reason.
Sexuality on the other hand, is more difficult to define. It can loosely be interpreted as attitude towards sex and the expression of it. This can be through the way we dress, how we talk, who we are attracted to, whether we have creative or risky sex, or if believe sex to be immoral, etc.
Sexual Response Cycle
Sexual activity has four stages - excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Both partners, men and/or women, experience these four stages but they might do so at different times. A difficulty during any of these stages can constitute sex problems. They can occur during foreplay, masturbation or intercourse. Excitement can be found with the right triggers - this could be viewing something erotic, or reading an erotic story or through many other means. It is also possible to created by engaging in self-play or erotic engagement with a partner.
How I help you with sex problems
I can help you talk through your sexual problems and to help you understand some of the reasons why you might be experiencing them. We can work through most of the emotional, psychological or circumstantial factors that may be leading to the sexual problems. A number of the sexual problems are caused through stress and anxiety and through unprocessed emotions relating to other areas of life. We can work through these to develop. As your coping strategies improve and feelings are processed, it might automatically improve your sex lives.
I can also work with a sexual focus to help you understand your sexuality, sexual desires, sexual inhibitions or any other phobias around your sexual life.
You may want to address these problems individually or as a couple. We can talk through this over the phone to understand the best route for you.
I offer counselling with a sexual focus online on Zoom and in my office in Central London and West London.